I Should Have Loved You Harder
They say that depression comes in many forms. With you, I found it manifested in the brightest smile I’d ever seen.
Pretending to be positive all of the time isn’t healthy. You should honor and validate your emotions as you feel them. It’s okay to have resting bitch face, or look mean. It’s okay to not be the life of the party. It’s okay to be sad, or let people see what you’re going through. It’s okay to ask for help.
Sometimes a smile is like putting a band aid on an infection. People can’t see the gross stuff that’s going on underneath, but if you don’t let the wound breathe, it can’t heal. It’s just going to get worse. It’s going to spread. Eventually, you’re going to lose an entire limb.
I didn’t realize all that you were going through. I shouldn’t have taken you at face value. I should’ve dug a little, and loved you harder from unpolite angles. My mind was telling me to give you space, but my heart was screaming at me to blow up your phone. I should’ve followed my heart to make sure yours was still beating. I should’ve loved the truth right out of you. I should’ve tried harder to learn to love your shadows and your darkness. Maybe then, I could’ve helped you learn how to love them, too. Happiness is beautiful, but sometimes, that gorgeous smile is a giant bouquet red flags.
I should’ve known. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you in the ways that I could’ve been. if I was, maybe I would’ve changed the way that everything played out.
© Gina Clingan 2020
From my book, A Light In The Dark 💛
available on Amazon now!
Grab your copy here: https://amazon.com/dp/B08KZBCDC5
